How To Write Badly Well

Misuse apostrophe’s

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The last of the suns ray’s are fading as the boy’s walk with slow and heavy step’s toward’s their homes’. ‘The day’s are getting longer,’ ...
19 comments:

Base your characters on real people

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Penny, thirty-three, beautiful and neighbourly, was trying to hold back tears as she pegged out the washing, which she did every Tuesday an...
9 comments:

Overreact

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O! My wailing heart! My quaking soul! My wailing, quaking heart-soul! Now the void of empty voidness opens before me and is empty like ...
27 comments:

Start your novel at least three chapters before the first significant event of the plot

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Alan picked up his slice of toast and bit into it thoughtfully. The crescent shape left by his teeth was like a smaller version of the shar...
14 comments:

Write in impenetrable dialect

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Wha’ an’ ha’ summit oder t’ nessle, blothen. An’ thar fudur hibitza an’took! Fla booter ’eth snine? Naggle ta, po’ o’ lo’ sho’. An tho’? An...
17 comments:

Personify every object

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The hat, old and disillusioned, sat on Leo’s head like a passenger on a bus which is not only late, but has forgotten which route it was su...
18 comments:

Choose a narrator who is peripheral to the story

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It all began in the summer of 2003. At least, I think it did – I was on holiday at the time, but when I got back, I heard that Lisa and Pen...
13 comments:

Do not contextualise dialogue

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He burst into the room. ‘So it was you all along.’ ‘Yes, that’s right.’ ‘You were behind the whole thing!’ ‘Not quite. You see, it was ...
9 comments:
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