Step by painful step, we approached the altar at the heart of the temple. Sunlight was falling in a shaft from a hole in the cave ceiling far above, bathing the rough stone plinth in golden light.
‘OMG,’ muttered Hubert, reverentially. I turned and motioned for him to be silent. I gave no credence to villagers’ tales of The Old Ones, but there was no knowing who – or what – lurked in the temple’s shadows. If we were being watched, as I felt we were, it was not merely for teh lulz.
‘BRB,’ I whispered, edging towards the altar. The air seemed to tighten around me. There was a time when I would have LOLed at those who shrank in fear from this place, dismissing them as noobs or worse, but now I was here, the possibility of powers ancient, terrible and 1337 beyond comprehension felt all too real. I stopped and raised my head, looking to the shaft of light far above.
‘im in ur temple, stealin ur relix,’ I whispered.
I choked on my gummy worm.
ReplyDeleteBest. Post. Ever!
ReplyDeleteAnd then they twittered, blogged and facebooked. Nuff said.
ReplyDelete:-)
Have you ever read "Unreal Estate" by Twoflowr? It contains a chapter about gamers, who all talk like this!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.pixelscapes.com/unrealestate/unreal07.html
I can haz more?
ReplyDeleteHilarious!
ReplyDeleteTPTB want you to know: "all my praiz is belong to U! m@d rulez0r skillz!!1!one1!"
ReplyDeleteby the way, is writing badly that consequently well still parody or already constrained writing a la oulipo?
I'd love it if the entire internet turned out to be a bizarre dadaist experiment started in the fifties to see how convoluted written slang could become over time.
ReplyDeleteMy least favorite internet word is "Walla". Took me several minutes to figure it out the first time I saw it on a forum. Could have fit in this post somewhere I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteSoooo ... What does it mean? Inquiring minds want to know.
Delete"Whatevs," said the altar. "The curse will pwn you."
ReplyDeleteOMGLOL is all I've got.
ReplyDeleteRoflcopter.
ReplyDeleteTemple got murked, innit. Sick. (Seriously, you are sick).
ReplyDeleteAll your temple relix are belong to us!
ReplyDeleteBTW, TCCIC. HAHA! :D
ReplyDeleteSadly, I don't know what a 'noob' is - which I suspect may mean I am one ...
ReplyDeleteand I don't know what teh lulz or 1337 are either -
so I'm going home to have a good cry.
Wonderful! QQ more Carri ;)
ReplyDeleteOh, Joel. I treasure you.
ReplyDelete"Ceiling God iz watching u steal," thought the mysterious watcher.
ReplyDelete(This is great. I loved it so much.)
btw, i haz a lulz b/c uv this. :)
ReplyDeletealthough it is funny when talking about it, internet language is quite sad, like the kind of thing which people with speech disabilities would use
ReplyDeleteThis would actually be almost reasonable if the characters were playing an MMO...
ReplyDeletebitlis
ReplyDeletetunceli
ardahan
bingöl
muş
38D