I was perambulating unassumingly along the boulevard (this being the correct term for the particular, almost arbour-like (although not, it must be pointed out, arbouresque), thoroughfare upon which I was located) on a solstitial morning in June (I mention the precise month only because I fear my peracute polyonymy might bamboozle you by dint of sheer perspicuity) when I happened upon (or, indeed, happened to happen upon, depending on the degree of predestination or otherwise your own philosophy, dear reader, allows you to countenance) a particularly dentigerous (which is to say, imbued with a denticulated maw of considerable significance) specimen of Canis Lupus Familiaris (of the order Carnivora, the class Mammalia, the phylum Chordata and, as I am sure you have ascertained by this point, the kingdom Animalia). This, as you will shortly realise, was a chance happening (again, the question of fate in this scenario is, as you might put it, “up for grabs”) imbued with a not inconsiderable semiological heft. For now, though, do not overtax yourself with interpretive endeavours, dear reader; all (inasmuch as such a term can be applied to the, I’m sure you can find no way to adequately deny, infinitely fractured world in which we reside) shall be revealed.
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I agree! This this this is the most infuriating thing you can read.
ReplyDeleteDan Brown?
ReplyDeletebrackets within brackets is/are a beautiful thing
ReplyDeleteI think "by stint of" should be "by dint of".
ReplyDeletei could not help but "overtax" myself "with interpretive endeavours".
ReplyDeleteI was walking along the boulevard on a sunny morning in June, when I happened upon a dog.
ReplyDeleteThe End
Alternatively:
DeleteI saw a dog on the boulevard.
Im worried--your writing is starting to make sense...
ReplyDeleteThis seems like a very effective way of promoting illiteracy.
ReplyDeleteThanks John – I’ve changed it. There’s a nice irony in a malapropism cropping up during a self-satisfied account of how articulate the author is, but I can’t claim that was intentional.
ReplyDeleteI love this! Ha!
ReplyDeleteI'd read more of this. Hope the narrator gets probed by an alien eventually.
ReplyDeletewell if it had been December after all, that would have changed Everything. I, for one, am grateful for the precision.
ReplyDeleteIt's like reading someone trying to write Dr. Spock dialogue in fan-fiction...
ReplyDeleteHuh?...Oh, yeah!
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ReplyDeleteThat's basically Victor Hugo's writing style in a nutshell. Though to be fair, he can actually pull it off.
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