Replace concrete nouns with abstract ones


I let my hand rest gently
on your locomotion as you exhaled.
With each breath, I could see your life force
rising
and falling
inside your blouse.
Meanwhile, in my trousers,
my urgency became substance.
I licked my parched half-of-an-uncompleted-kiss;
you slowly blinked your soft blue perceptions.
Finally, we fell into one another’s manipulations of the physical world
and literally made love.

10 comments:

  1. That is *so* hot. Half-of-an-uncompleted kiss is a child's genitals, right?

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  2. And that, right there, is the problem with abstracts.

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  3. This entire blog = genius.

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  4. Love the blog. Ever read Queneau's Exercises de Style? Same kind of mad genius except it's the same scene written in hundreds of different ways.

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  5. I haven't read it, but I will have in 3-5 working days (postal strike permitting). Thanks for the recommendation!

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  6. Hope you enjoy! Your latest post reminded me of him even more. I know I've already said it, but your blog is GENIUS! And fabulously light relief in these dark days of November. Loved the Flanders and Swan post - always been huge favourites of mine.

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  7. Thanks for helping me realize I'm a bad writer.

    This is exactly what I did for nearly 5 chapters of my last book. Eeek.

    http://thetowerofbrahma.blogspot.com/

    Thanks for this blog!

    K

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  8. I'm late to the party, I know, as I've only just learned about this blog, but I had to say to this one...

    That so reminds me of The Eye of Argon. It's almost frightening. *grin*

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  9. To be honest, the last line is actually kind of poetic >.>

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