The door was being knocked on. Olivia was getting up, walking across the room and stopping. A hesitation was being performed by her; a doubt was surfacing in her mind. Her head was having the thought who is it? running through it. This knowledge was not in her possession.
Slowly, the key was being turned in the lock by Olivia. The handle was being pulled and the door was swinging open. Outside, the space where she might have expected a person to be was not currently occupied by a person.
‘That’s odd,’ her voice was saying. ‘I could have sworn...’ The swearing that she could have been doing was having to do with the hearing of a knocking sound previously to the moment which was currently passing. Suddenly, a shadowy figure was looming in the doorway. A surprise attack was taking place. A screaming sound was being emitted by Olivia as she was being murdered.
* As has been pointed out by my erudite readers, this passage has a mish-mash of present-participle and past progressive tenses, a passive voice and a steaming pile of gerunds for good measure. Please see the comments section below.
* As has been pointed out by my erudite readers, this passage has a mish-mash of present-participle and past progressive tenses, a passive voice and a steaming pile of gerunds for good measure. Please see the comments section below.
Your understanding of syntax seems somewhat fuzzy even though that was really funny. First of all, passive is a voice, not a tense. Tense describes time, voice is merely a syntactic function to promote a non-subject of the sentence to a more prominent position.
ReplyDeleteMost of the time, you're just using a whole lot of participles. In English, the passive voice is formed by using the past participle along with the verb to be. But you're also using the gerund/present participle a lot, which isn't passive at all. The gerund with the verb to be forms the continuous aspect.
The only true passives you have are: "was being knocked on", "was being performed", "was being turned", "was being pulled", "was not currently occupied", "was being emitted" and "was being murdered". Which is my favourite line, btw.
Sorry for being pedantic :)
I've always heard this referred to as the passive voice rather than the passive tense. Or rather, it had always been heard by me.
ReplyDeleteha! awesome :)
ReplyDelete"Be using the continuous present" would be a more accurate title to the post. Funny though!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has now been written saying that I have been entertained by Joel's post (once again).
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with vegfarandi. This was very funny (although convoluted enough to make it difficult to read...but that's the point, isn't it?) even though many of the verbs were not actually in passive voice.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I also enjoy your inventive use of language. Looking forward to the next one!
The correct term for constructions like "was getting up" or "was surfacing" is progressive -- in these examples, past progressive. Past, present, and future progressive are tenses. As others have noted, passive is a voice.
ReplyDeleteI think this is one of the weaker entries here in recent times. Vegfarandi is completely right about the points of grammar here: passive is a voice, not a tense, and a lot of the "passives" here aren't passives at all.
ReplyDeleteBut what I think should be added to this is that this entry seems to play into the whole "avoid passive" stylistic shibboleth. There's nothing wrong with the passive voice, and there's no preordained correct proportion of active to passive clauses for good writing. The choice of active vs. passive comes down to things like topic-comment structure and focus. Put really roughly, the passive is used when the non-agentive argument to the clause is topical.
Thus, the badness of the writing here is due to writing the sentences completely backwards of what they should be given the topical structure of the text. You could do the same thing by using actives when passives are called for.
"Past, present, and future progressive are tenses."
ReplyDeleteNo, actually, progressive is not a tense. Progressive is an aspect. "He was running," "He is running" and "He will be running" are all progressives, in different tenses.
Regardless, it still read like highbeams in fog. Murky but kind of sparkling, too.
ReplyDeleteOne of the wonderful things about this blog is that it's allowed me to learn a great deal from my readers; today, for example, has been a masterclass in syntax. You are an educated bunch and I thank you.
ReplyDeleteI think the best thing for me to do is to add a quick footnote to this entry for the elucidation of the general public and read up on tenses before I tackle the subject again.
See you all tomorrow!
This blog is being liked by me. Was that correctly done? Either way, it's true! :)
ReplyDeleteSir, what is a gerund? (Master stare at you as if amazed)
ReplyDeleteWhat is what? (He hav never heard of it)
A gerund, sir.
You ought to kno that. Look it up, boy. (working himself into a rage) really the ignorance of 2B they are the worst form i hav ever taken. What is a gerund, indeed! Worse than 3A last year! Much worse!
But what is a gerund, sir?
I hav told you look it up look it up look it up. (turning the leaves of the grammer below the desk) A gerund is a - it is a verbal substantive, molesworth, declined like neuters of the second declension any fule knos that. It seems to me extraordinary ect ......
vegfarandi, you need to be careful saying things like "Your understanding of syntax seems somewhat fuzzy." The term "passive tense" is correct and in common use in English (as spoken in England). Terminology often differs between the English and the American languages.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, much of what Joel wrote was actually in an active tense but the whole thing is very funny.
Passive aggressive:
ReplyDeleteThe door was being knocked on. Olivia was noted as getting up, walking across the room and stopping. A hesitation was performed by her; a doubt was brought to the surface in her mind. A thought formed in her head: who is it? This knowledge was being lacked. Slowly, the key was being turned in the lock by Olivia. The handle was being pulled and the door was swung open. Outside, the space where she might have expected a person to be was not currently occupied by a person. ‘That’s odd,’ was said by her voice. Swearing could have been happening to me...’ The swearing was being connected to the knocking sound previously heard and to the moment which was currently being passed. Suddenly, the doorway was being loomed in by a shadowy figure. A surprise attack was taking place. A screaming sound was being emitted by Olivia as she was being murdered.
Sorry Joel. :)
I love it, passive or not! I think you should just rename the post "Write in an annoying unnecessary tense."
ReplyDeleteI've personally always hated books written in the present tense...
Cliff, the passive is never a tense. I can understand why a layman might confuse different kinds of verbal categories, and thus the term passive tense being common, but it is simply a misunderstanding; like when people say whales are fish or that bats are birds. And I am not American (though I'm not British either).
ReplyDeletevegfarandi: You are being somewhat condescending and I find it odd that you didn't even bother to look it up after a polite correction to your first comment. It's nothing to do with confused laymen. Passive tense is not a tense HOWEVER it is a simple set phrase which was taught in UK schools.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is adored by me. I am made to laugh out loud by your blog! But what should have been said by you was a mish-mash of present-participle and past progressive tenses, a passive voice and a steaming pile of gerunds was had by this post.
ReplyDeleteThis totally rocks!! "let the passive tense be used".. lol!! :D
ReplyDeleteInformation about this blog has been sent to my children, because writing is totally enjoyed by them. Joel's blog is loved by me!
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff, Joel!
ReplyDeleteJust rename this post "avoid direct verbs."
"Steaming Pile of Gerunds" would be a good name for a rock band.
ReplyDeleteThe post was loved and laughed at by me. My homework has not been completed, so my leaving will soon commence. :)
ReplyDelete