She manipulated the garment in a cogitative mode.
‘Hmm,’ she vocalised. ‘This attire is verifiably marvellous. What is it constituted from?’
‘From the most meritorious velveteen,’ defined her interlocutor, simpering coincidentally.
‘Is it?’ iterated the party of the first part. ‘That’s felicitous.’
‘Additionally, this specified object has the property of being subdivided in terms of its defining mercantile characteristic, and can be taken possession of for the diminutive quantity of merely a half-dozen currency units,’ the retail employee informed.
‘Exoneration?’ supplicated the protagonist appropriately. The commercial tertiary sector worker eyeballed her perspicaciously.
‘I said it’s five ninety-nine. Do you want it or not?’
This is great. I challenge someone to write a whole novel in this style. NaNoWriMo is just around the corner!
ReplyDeleteI'm excited for NaNoWriMo!
ReplyDeleteThis is brilliant Joel, I love your blog.
Arcadian Lady, that doesn't surprise me as your profile pic is "I write, therefore I am"!
ReplyDeleteI just started an experiment in writing badly. It's over here
ReplyDeletehttp://deliciousnessosity.wordpress.com
and is an attempt to reach the great heights acheived by:
http://studiokitchen.typepad.com
and
http://blog.ideasinfood.com
It's depressing, as they keep outdoing me despite my best efforts.
If I may be so bold as to suggest a possible topic, "Asking rhetorical questions of the reader" is a great, cringe-inducing technique.
The party of the first part shall be known in this story as the party of the first part.
ReplyDeleteyou are my new hero.
ReplyDelete"The commercial tertiary sector worker..."
ReplyDeleteYES! I enjoyed that.
It reads like it has been translated through a really good version of BabelFish. Shudder.
ReplyDeleteYes! Haha, I love this blog.
ReplyDeleteHa ha love it!
ReplyDeleteKate x
Well said and then some!
ReplyDeleteGreat blog
i always write badly.....
ReplyDeletelol. I hate it when writers try to sound "British." This is hilarious
ReplyDeleteLove your blog! As for the thesaurus thing, my goodness, I spent about two years in high school writing exactly like that!
ReplyDeleteYour blog is hilarious! Love it!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant! :-D
ReplyDeleteGod, I feel like I'm reading Edward Champion!
ReplyDeleteSounds like something straight from the bloated chew hole of Peggy Noonan.
ReplyDelete"Exoneration?" I love it.
ReplyDeleteWhat's another word for Thesaurus? Trash.
ReplyDeleteThesaurus - oldest living dinosaur
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