Always use a thesaurus


She manipulated the garment in a cogitative mode.
‘Hmm,’ she vocalised. ‘This attire is verifiably marvellous. What is it constituted from?’
‘From the most meritorious velveteen,’ defined her interlocutor, simpering coincidentally.
‘Is it?’ iterated the party of the first part. ‘That’s felicitous.’
‘Additionally, this specified object has the property of being subdivided in terms of its defining mercantile characteristic, and can be taken possession of for the diminutive quantity of merely a half-dozen currency units,’ the retail employee informed.
‘Exoneration?’ supplicated the protagonist appropriately. The commercial tertiary sector worker eyeballed her perspicaciously.
‘I said it’s five ninety-nine. Do you want it or not?’

21 comments:

  1. This is great. I challenge someone to write a whole novel in this style. NaNoWriMo is just around the corner!

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  2. I'm excited for NaNoWriMo!

    This is brilliant Joel, I love your blog.

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  3. Arcadian Lady, that doesn't surprise me as your profile pic is "I write, therefore I am"!

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  4. I just started an experiment in writing badly. It's over here
    http://deliciousnessosity.wordpress.com

    and is an attempt to reach the great heights acheived by:
    http://studiokitchen.typepad.com
    and
    http://blog.ideasinfood.com

    It's depressing, as they keep outdoing me despite my best efforts.

    If I may be so bold as to suggest a possible topic, "Asking rhetorical questions of the reader" is a great, cringe-inducing technique.

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  5. The party of the first part shall be known in this story as the party of the first part.

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  6. "The commercial tertiary sector worker..."

    YES! I enjoyed that.

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  7. It reads like it has been translated through a really good version of BabelFish. Shudder.

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  8. Yes! Haha, I love this blog.

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  9. Well said and then some!
    Great blog

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  10. i always write badly.....

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  11. lol. I hate it when writers try to sound "British." This is hilarious

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  12. Love your blog! As for the thesaurus thing, my goodness, I spent about two years in high school writing exactly like that!

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  13. Your blog is hilarious! Love it!

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  14. God, I feel like I'm reading Edward Champion!

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  15. Sounds like something straight from the bloated chew hole of Peggy Noonan.

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  16. "Exoneration?" I love it.

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  17. What's another word for Thesaurus? Trash.

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  18. Thesaurus - oldest living dinosaur

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