He slowly walked the slow, winding path towards the crooked, run-down old house. With one slow, hesitant hand he bravely, resolutely knocked on the dusty, pock-marked, ancient and frightening door. Slowly, it opened slowly. He slowly poked his brave head through the narrow, foreboding gap.
‘Hello?’ he slowly said, bravely.
Just then, suddenly (yet strangely slowly), a terrifying, scary, bone-chilling, face-tingling, stupefyingly mortifying and stultifying, yet oddly inconsequential and subtly fragrant, big, massive, enormous multi-hued, monochrome monstrosity of epic, legendary, massive, indescribable proportions burst thunderingly from the shadowy, ill-defined, hazy, portentous, generically appropriate yet obviously underdeveloped and self-evidently over-described dark, dark darkness.
‘RAAAAAAH!’ it said.
Is this giving me tips on how to write badly, or how to write like Dan Brown? Oh, wait…
ReplyDeletea lot of those are adverbs
ReplyDeletevery funny,spot on rip of the common assumption that overly describing something makes you a fabulous writer.
ReplyDelete"I really like it".
ReplyDeletePeter Jones, Dragons' Den
I HAD THE SAME THOUGHT CONCERNING THE ADVERBS. ALSO, A SYNONYM FOR "SLOWLY" WOULD DO NICELY IN THIS PARAGRAPH. YET, REPETITION MAKES AN IMPRESSION.
ReplyDeleteHAPPY INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY!
Excellent. I used to tell my students that if your noun needs an adjective to get its point across, you're probably using the wrong noun.
ReplyDeleteOi Larfed!
ReplyDeleteYou can never have too many adjectives.
ReplyDeleteH. Lovecraft
This is a most awesome, thoughtful, reflective, imaginative, serious, authentic and desirable post.
ReplyDeleteH.P. Lovecraft's rich, redolent, flourished, antediluvian prose about the infinitely vast, cosmic, utterly alien and macabre forces which harry our tiny, fragile, and ultimately ineffectual species, ever threatening to upset our frail and teetering sanity, pushing us ever to the brink of a gaping, primal, dark, and incomparably horrifying vortex of swirling, gibbering madness, is friggin' awesome. So shut up, Anonymous.
ReplyDeleteWhoa there, buddy, slow down, I can't follow.
ReplyDeleteAnd overdescribe your actions as adverbly as possible.
ReplyDeleteWord on all of this. This brings to mind another writing blog I was reading the other day. The author's words, as far as I remember, were 'you are not Tolkien. Put down the pen and step away from the purple prose'.
ReplyDeleteI used to write like this in primary school. Ah the days...
ReplyDeleteRAAAAH!! :)
ReplyDeleteLove it.
ReplyDeleteHahaha, this was funny. Just found the blog, checking it out. Had to comment on this one though. Great job.
ReplyDeleteWarmed up my day (or night; 4.51 am) in cold Sweden!
This post was so funny, entertaining, amusing, hilarious, comical, and witty! :)
ReplyDelete"a terrifying, scary, bone-chilling, face-tingling, stupefyingly mortifying and stultifying, yet oddly inconsequential and subtly fragrant, big, massive, enormous multi-hued, monochrome monstrosity of epic, legendary, massive, indescribable proportions burst thunderingly from the shadowy, ill-defined, hazy, portentous, generically appropriate yet obviously underdeveloped and self-evidently over-described dark, dark darkness."
ReplyDeleteYou forgot to include "eldritch"
Purple and self-contradictory. I love it.
ReplyDeleteSlowly.
ReplyDeleteGreat and that i have a tremendous present: Whole House Remodel Cost split level house kitchen remodel
ReplyDelete