Regard editorial input as a personal attack


Dear Dream-Crusher,

Many “thanks” for your letter of so-called advice dated the fifteenth of this month. To be honest, its all I’ve come to expect of the elitist snobbish publishing industry and it’s closed-shop mentality. You say that my characters “could do with more development”, but I can assure you that I wrote everything down about them that anyone needs to know to understand the story – Jake in particular is an interesting character because he actually has no “back-story” at all due to him losing his memory in the electrical fire in the magnet factory (chapter six).

You talk about so-called “presentation” with comma’s and apostrophes, but, aren’t these exactly the kind of thing that your supposed to deal with instead of the creative mind of an author? Its a disgrace that you can run a business like this when I am the lifeblood of your so-called business as an aspiring author and not just another so-called celebrity biography. And as for you saying you are "interested" and your request to “see another draft” before you "pitch" it to publishers, I wouldnt do you the honor of letting you read my work after how badly I have been treated by you.

Yours disgustedly,
Penny Scriber (gnome de plum)

20 comments:

  1. Nice inverting of 'it's' and 'its'. Had my grammar nazi knee jerking in little fits of rage.

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  2. Your grammar nazi needs to take a deep breath; misspellings will kill it before its time.

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  3. I'm just fascinated by the idea of a knee being a Nazi – does it have a little moustache?

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  4. Oh, Mr Stickley, you are fantastic! :D

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  5. That's not me, that Fran. I'm downstairs on facebook.

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  6. Okay, I'm hyperventilating from the bad grammar... and the funny.

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  7. Our senior editor has a jar labeled "souls."

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  8. LOL at Jake who has no backstory due to [lengthy backstory]. Even the "due to him losing his memory" construct is hilariously dumb XD

    Kudos, Dream-crusher!

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  9. I love this blog!

    Have put a link to it under the "Misc" section on my Writers Resources Page.

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  10. I can only hope that the comma errors ( “could do with more development”, ), apostrophe errors (comma’s and apostrophes), and inconsistencies with smart quotes ( "interested" and your request to “see another draft” ) are intentional.

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  11. Dammit. The first two, yes. But the smart quotes? I blame Safari.

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  12. >You talk about so-called “presentation” with comma’s and apostrophes, but, aren’t these exactly the kind of thing that your supposed to deal with instead of the creative mind of an author?>

    Thank you, Joel. I'm an editor and if I had a dollar...

    I love your blog. In a virtual world of blogs, HTWBW really stands out. Brilliant!

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  13. O, spot the outraged OU student...

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  14. HA! This had me in fits of giggles... which explodeded into laughter when I read Joel Stickley's knee comment.

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  15. And now I feel even sillier when I realized this *is* Joel's blog. Sorry, Joel, but your letter was just that good I didn't pause to read anything else about the website.

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  16. I particularly love the use of the comma in 'comma's'!

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  17. <3

    I am totally writing my next bit of erotica under the pen name of Gnome de Plum! Wonderful.

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  18. I wouldn't read anything by this person anyway. An electrical fire in a magnet factory is an awesome way to give someone superpowers, and they're wasting it on amnesia.

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