Dear Dream-Crusher,
Many “thanks” for your letter of so-called advice dated the fifteenth of this month. To be honest, its all I’ve come to expect of the elitist snobbish publishing industry and it’s closed-shop mentality. You say that my characters “could do with more development”, but I can assure you that I wrote everything down about them that anyone needs to know to understand the story – Jake in particular is an interesting character because he actually has no “back-story” at all due to him losing his memory in the electrical fire in the magnet factory (chapter six).
You talk about so-called “presentation” with comma’s and apostrophes, but, aren’t these exactly the kind of thing that your supposed to deal with instead of the creative mind of an author? Its a disgrace that you can run a business like this when I am the lifeblood of your so-called business as an aspiring author and not just another so-called celebrity biography. And as for you saying you are "interested" and your request to “see another draft” before you "pitch" it to publishers, I wouldnt do you the honor of letting you read my work after how badly I have been treated by you.
Yours disgustedly,
Penny Scriber (gnome de plum)
Nice inverting of 'it's' and 'its'. Had my grammar nazi knee jerking in little fits of rage.
ReplyDeleteYour grammar nazi needs to take a deep breath; misspellings will kill it before its time.
ReplyDeleteI'm just fascinated by the idea of a knee being a Nazi – does it have a little moustache?
ReplyDeleteOh, Mr Stickley, you are fantastic! :D
ReplyDeleteThat's not me, that Fran. I'm downstairs on facebook.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm hyperventilating from the bad grammar... and the funny.
ReplyDeleteOur senior editor has a jar labeled "souls."
ReplyDeleteLOL at Jake who has no backstory due to [lengthy backstory]. Even the "due to him losing his memory" construct is hilariously dumb XD
ReplyDeleteKudos, Dream-crusher!
I love this blog!
ReplyDeleteHave put a link to it under the "Misc" section on my Writers Resources Page.
I can only hope that the comma errors ( “could do with more development”, ), apostrophe errors (comma’s and apostrophes), and inconsistencies with smart quotes ( "interested" and your request to “see another draft” ) are intentional.
ReplyDeleteDammit. The first two, yes. But the smart quotes? I blame Safari.
ReplyDelete>You talk about so-called “presentation” with comma’s and apostrophes, but, aren’t these exactly the kind of thing that your supposed to deal with instead of the creative mind of an author?>
ReplyDeleteThank you, Joel. I'm an editor and if I had a dollar...
I love your blog. In a virtual world of blogs, HTWBW really stands out. Brilliant!
O, spot the outraged OU student...
ReplyDeleteHA! This had me in fits of giggles... which explodeded into laughter when I read Joel Stickley's knee comment.
ReplyDeleteAnd now I feel even sillier when I realized this *is* Joel's blog. Sorry, Joel, but your letter was just that good I didn't pause to read anything else about the website.
ReplyDeleteWhat a treat -- I love this blog!
ReplyDeleteI particularly love the use of the comma in 'comma's'!
ReplyDelete<3
ReplyDeleteI am totally writing my next bit of erotica under the pen name of Gnome de Plum! Wonderful.
I wouldn't read anything by this person anyway. An electrical fire in a magnet factory is an awesome way to give someone superpowers, and they're wasting it on amnesia.
ReplyDelete