Use Microsoft Word’s “autosummarize” feature to compress a year's work into under 100 words

Slowly, it opened slowly. At last, the door opened.
and falling
Just imagine, he thought. Dear readers,
Dash whispered. Fine, thought Glowingly. Maggie shook her head.
‘Change, Charlotte, change!’
‘Change? If in doubt, initiate sex
Gilgo said, throwing his hands in the air. Olaf laughed. Geoff laughed. (LAUGHS)
KALI: Right.
Archie, Archie, Archie. My old fruit. ‘Never you mind. Pete shook his head. Oh well, he thought. Edward shook his head.
The old man nodded sagely.
Edward nodded grimly.
Maybe if he waited until... What was staying his hand?


  1. Makes it all seem worthwhile, doesn't it?

  2. I never knew this function existed, which is like never knowing what love is. I have now auto summed my entire book. Thank you, Joel.

  3. Saying that "the AutoSummarize feature somehow makes everything art" has become a cliche already. Don't be such postmodern sheep.

  4. I quite like the idea of postmodern sheep – I imagine they would shear themselves, then knit the wool into jumpers that say "SHEEP" on them.

  5. Looks like a great tool but hell I don't see Word 2010 having any such command. Shit. Still processing to see if I find it though.

  6. Completely forgot about this feature. It's even better on essays!

  7. Actually I think the sweaters would probably say GOAT. Or maybe WOLF.

  8. Ace and a half. On a similar theme some mad genius has done this to a whole load of major literary works at

    I particularly enjoyed The Iliad: 'Gods! Gods! Gods! “Hector! Gods! Gods! “Hector! Gods! “Gods! God!'

  9. I never heard of this feature before. It does wonders for "Timecube".

  10. Well, that does it, if wbw ever gets into merchandising, your first order of business will be sweaters that say "SHEEP."

  11. The Antipodean, a bit sad that Mouse-Mouse didn't make the cut,Friday, September 10, 2010

    How about "POSTMODERN SHEEP"?

    Someone needs to do this to The Wheel of Time. It might get down to a trilogy.

  12. I never knew about this feature, so I just tried it on one of my oldest attempts at writing a book (said book was horrible and cliched, but I was young, so.) It turned out thusly:

    “Selyne…?” “Selyne….” “Selyne!”
    “Selyne! “Selyne? “Selyne?” Selyne! “Selyne! “Selyne?”

    Bet you can't guess who the main character was.