Signpost your twists

Agent Sam Glowingly waved a hand at the tangled web of notes on the whiteboard.
‘So,’ he said, ‘we still have no idea who the killer is.’
‘No,’ said McSleet. ‘Unless we can find someone in the monastery who’s able to leap thirty feet off the ground, pass through a stained glass window without breaking it and kill his victim through the power of sheer terror.’
‘Not your average monk,’ observed Glowingly. ‘In fact, it sounds more like one of the legendary fighting monks that reputedly inhabited this very monastery hundreds of years ago, but whose secrets have been lost for generations.’
‘Aye,’ agreed McSleet. ‘But we need to find a real solution, not sit here chit-chatting about ancient history that has nothing to do with the case.’
‘You’re right,’ said Glowingly, getting up from his chair and adjusting his pistol holster. ‘We’ve got no time for idle talk about legends that neither of us has any reason to believe are even true, let alone relevant to our current investigation.’ He consulted his notebook. ‘Where next?’ he asked.
‘We need to interview more potential witnesses,’ said McSleet, fishing a battered pack of cigarettes from his coat pocket. ‘How about Brother Laurence, who’s been studying the ancient manuscripts which sat undisturbed in the monastery vault for centuries and who has also, incidentally, been working out quite a lot recently?’
‘Okay,’ said Glowingly with a shrug. ‘But I think we’re wasting our time.’


  1. This wouldn't be a monastery somewhere near Torchwood Estate by any chance?

  2. Oh lord I just snarfed my morning coffee. McSleet's last line is classic. Thank you.

  3. Just brilliant. The whole story fanfic-izes itself :)

    Or could Brother Laurence be the red herring?

  4. Just fantastic. You never fail to make me laugh, but this time you've hit the nail on the head!

  5. Bad Ideas shrugged idly. "I don't get this one," he stated bluntly. It sounded almost inconceivable to the small group cluttered nearby. Here was the same user who'd written mind-bendingly witty posts on such blogs as "Advice and Humor from Mr. Condescending", "My Confusion Theory" and the perennial classic, "Life, and why it sucks". But he didn't get it.

    Perhaps it was all a charade, a screen of faux modesty used to disguise the fact that it was his car the police found parked in a nearby dumpster behind the scene of the crime? Perhaps it was all hubbly bubbly smoke and floor length mirrors. Or, perhaps, as we might see (after the jump), he was the REAL killer.

    (what? I said 'might')

  6. Yeah, I hate it when books and movies give themselves away completely. Sometimes they even do it in the previews, and you don't see the movie, and then your friends come and go "hey guess what?" and you tell them what you think the twist is, and they go "did you see it?"

  7. Also - I'm glad you're back, Mr. Stickley. These entries always make my day.

  8. Superb...literary exaggeration at its finest:)

  9. This technique worked quite wonderfully for Tommy Wiseau's "The Room."

    Glad to have people like you on the internet.