Don’t be put off by wildly conflicting registers of language


I shall simply tell you what I told the jury, gentle reader – I was indeed present when the shizzle went dizzle. However, myself and my homies were merely passing through the immediate vicinity at the time of the incident; if I recall correctly, we were engaged in nothing more than chilling, perhaps with a certain amount of supplementary illing, but certainly nothing close to the magnitude of the offences alleged.
In addition to this, I would like to take this opportunity to set the record straight regarding one matter – specifically, that I be the baddest pimp you ever seen and, were you to show disrespect to either myself or my close friends, I feel I should warn you that I would make a concerted effort to smoke your bitch ass.

23 comments:

  1. Every blog needs a weak article, and this one is your's.
    Love the rest though, keep it up.

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  2. So bad it's almost good..love it.

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  3. This reminds me of Eliza Doolittle's first public appearance at the races in My Fair Lady in which she had a mixture of highbrow English and gutter talk.

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  4. This Penny Arcade strip mixes legal and gamer contexts very nicely. And yet, when today's gamers have gray hair, one can almost imagine ...

    Standing: In Pygmalion, it's all gutter talk, just in a cut-glass RP accent. (Well, after her first remark about the weather: "The shallow depression in the west of these islands is likely to move slowly in an easterly direction. There are no indications of any great change in the barometrical situation.") A few bits: "done the old woman in", "She come through diphtheria right enough", "them as pinched it", leading up to her final "Walk! Not bloody likely. [Sensation] I am going in a taxi", which indeed did cause a sensation in its 1914 West End premiere (on Broadway, of course, nothing happened).

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  5. I don't know what Anonymous up there is talking about,t his is brilliant.

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  6. Hell YES. This one is the best ever!

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  7. damn it anonymous, quit contradicting myself!

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  8. I think this could work in a Clockwork Orangey dystopia setting.

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  9. Actually, I like this. It works for me.

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  10. Anonymous needs reminding that possessive pronouns don't need possessive apostrophes.

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  11. I actually find this one hilarious in a good way. The rest just make me want to weep.

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  12. Ha ha! I caught your error! One person can't make a concerted effort. Other than that, it's perfect. :)

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  13. Does anyone else hear this read out by Stephen Fry in their heads? Nope? Just me then...
    Pure genius again, by the way.

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  14. Uh oh, Levi. You are right but I hear people use concerted that way all the time - to mean 'specifically concentrated', essentially.
    What word should we, I mean THEY, be using?

    Also, the first anon is crazy. This was amazing and I threw my head back and laughed at that first sentence.

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  15. I just went back and reread the first line out loud with an imatation of Stephen Fry's voice. It kind of works lol

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  16. How many anonymous do we have here?

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  17. Or would that be 'anonymis"?
    This blog is wonderful, Joel Stickley... please keep it up!

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  18. I heard it in Stephen Fry's voice too. It's very "a bit of Fry and Laurie", don't you think?

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  19. OMG! You are positively superb. I, like, totally just laughed so intensely, I sobbed! This post was off the hizzle-fo-shizzle. Alas, I must resumeith laboringith at my schooling-oriented tasks. See y'all l8r, dudes, peace out!

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  20. I had to stop and catch my breath after the very first sentence. Currently wiping tears of hlarity from my eyes.

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  21. For some reason, while I read this, it sounded like some kind of rap in my head.
    Hilarious article. ^_^

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