The Darknight Academy for witches, wizards, troubled vampires and tragically abused children was just waking up when the screaming started. Secret Agent Sam Glowingly sprang athletically from his bed and immediately reached for his pistol. He had been undercover for three weeks now and this was the first sign of trouble, unless you counted the theft of the Holy Grail the previous week, which he didn’t.
‘McSleet. Wake up,’ he hissed. His grizzled, cynical, alcoholic yet oddly sympathetic Scottish colleague mumbled an unintelligible curse at him and went back to sleep. Fine, thought Glowingly. He would just have to tackle this one alone, with only his gun and his mysterious otherworldly powers to help him. He knew he could do it. He had faced seemingly impossible odds before, like that time his wife had been forced to choose which of their two daughters to donate a kidney to, even though the girls were twins and one of them (but they weren't sure which one) had accidentally killed their younger brother in a shocking yet poetically haunting accident at the old lake.
I'm stunned and amazed this has not been snatched up to become the next bestseller!
ReplyDeleteI thought you meant interspersing observations on the stock market with the narrative. But, I see what you mean now.
ReplyDeleteHa. That would be more in the spirit of the previous entry, I guess. I'd love to read a novel by a Wall Street trader, especially if it was about something completely unconnected to his line of work. Maybe a romance:
ReplyDelete"His passion increased hour on hour, taking a hit when she revealed that she was married, but making strong gains in after-hours trading..."
Ok, this is your best post so far. One should write a whole short story like that if one could keep it up.
ReplyDeleteAwesome!!!! I hate books where there is a tragic lake accident that haunts the protagonists down the years and much as I hate books about three the trials, hardships and physical and mental abuse of three generations of strong-willed Newfoundland women!
ReplyDeleteTis a job for the gallant Captain Dash... and his loyal 'bot...
ReplyDelete:-)
Sorry, I don't get this one. can someone explain it to me :/
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic. And I think they might have made a Family Guy episode out of it, too! You should contact Seth MacFarlane
ReplyDeleteTo the anonymous who did not quite get this post: go into the nearest chain bookstore and pick up the books that have their own shrine-like display tables and/or peruse recent movie posters. It won't take long before you've encountered all the elements of this post.
ReplyDeleteExcellent work, Joel. I think you have a bright future in the world of bestselling fiction.
Maybe throw in some self help therapy in as well and you'd be definitely on to a winner...
ReplyDelete'Glowingly found a well thumbed copy of his book 'The Old Lake and how to get over, around and across it' out of McSleet's grizzled, jowly pocket. He grinned ruefully, amused that McSleet was using his experiences of the Old Lake to deal with his troubled childhood in the Glasgow fish mines'
But you forgot the clumsy or awkward girl that everyone loves and wants to protect for some reason. This, of course, will cause the hero to hang out with her for hundreds of pages while nothing happens. Then you tack on a random climax that comes pretty much out of nowhere because your antagonist is made out of cardboard.
ReplyDelete(No, I'm not bitter.... well maybe a little.)
Regarding the Wall Street romance: "After-hours trading" may be the best euphemism I've ever heard.
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ReplyDelete