‘I’ve been a docker for twenty stinking years and now you’re telling me I’m out of a job because of these flipping cut-backs?’ Eddie clenched his fists. ‘Well, you can go forget yourself! I’m blinking angry about this!’
‘For fudge’s sake, Eddie, calm down,’ said his supervisor, spreading his hands in a soothing gesture. ‘It’s not my decision. It’s those blinking numbskulls in management who’ve come up with this frolicking plan.’
‘Yeah?’ muttered Eddie. ‘Well, they’re out of their damp minds. I ought to go up there and smash their flaking heads in.’
‘I talked to them already, Ed. They say they can’t change the situation.’
‘Can’t?’ said Eddie. ‘They can’t? That’s what they always say. It’s can’t this and can’t that and can’t the other. If you ask me, they’re a bunch of–’
‘Eddie,’ his supervisor interrupted. ‘I need you to flapping cool it right flouncing now.’
Fucking awesome. :D
ReplyDeleteDamn and blast it what utter tosh and balderdash!
ReplyDelete:-)
Or you could just swear in gorram Chinese... seemed to work in Firefly... *Browncoating*
ReplyDeleteYou must be highly creative to figure out how to write this badly this well! :-)
ReplyDeleteTo quote Terry Pratchett's barbarians who are being taught not to swear, 'Darn it all to heck!'
ReplyDeleteMy favorite was "damp". Read it out loud and it's almost impossible not to accidentally substitute something else...
ReplyDeleteThe art of understatement...
ReplyDeleteThis has been my gripe with Christian fiction for years. If your characters have strong emotion, let them show it.
ReplyDeleteI also think that films that use "fuck" ever 1.5 seconds are over the top too.
This is the best one yet.
ReplyDeleteTake the Fantastic Mr Fox route - "You're not gonna cuss with me!"
ReplyDeleteI think my thesaurus just exploded...
ReplyDeleteOne of the gosh-damp funniest things I've read in my frolicking life!
ReplyDeleteOh flap! I have to get back to my blinking homework. :)
@The Ridger, FCD
ReplyDeleteAh, Fantastic Mr. Fox. I laughed so hard when he first said "clustercuss"
The spouse who goes to sleep first on the wedding
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