He fixed me with the kind of look a drunk gives to the bottom of an empty glass. I felt a cold rivulet of sweat sliding down my spine. If I had a chance in hell of getting back to my car, it seemed like I was going to be the last to know about it.
‘Seems like I’m not needed here,’ I said, flicking a fictional mote of dust off my sleeve. ‘I’ll leave you gentlemen in peace.’ As I turned, I heard the sound of chairs scraping back across the concrete floor behind me.
‘No, you gotta stay,’ said the big guy, with a smile that could have rotted fruit. I stopped, but didn’t look round.
‘I’m fine,’ I muttered. My gut turned over like a hooker right after she’s earned her money and now she just wants to sleep, damn it.
oooh the best one yet of homage week! "Flicking a fictional mote of dust off my sleeve".
ReplyDeleteBrill!
:-)
*applauds wildly* That was actually quite enjoyable! I should check out some Chandler...
ReplyDeleteOh, man, you are great! Love it! Very noir!
ReplyDeleteLoved the 'smile that could have rotted fruit', excellent and disturbingly evocative:-)
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing
martine
Today you have failed to write badly.
ReplyDeleteWell, the hooker simile was a bit over the top, but otherwise, awesome.
While I'm not a huge fan of the PI genre, I may have to pick up a couple of his books just for the writing style.
This was indeed awesome. I'd love to see a Douglas Adams homage sometime. He can't be imitated but everyone tries.
ReplyDeleteAs a Chandler devotee (and Philip Marlowe fanatic), I have to say this is pretty good! OK, maybe Mr C didn't deal out the similes quite as frequently as you but they were mostly up to his standard. Bravo
ReplyDeleteYay! I LOVE Chandler and it all just came back to me "like a pickle sandwich I've been trying to keep down all morning"... hmm. I'll keep trying. I meant that in a GOOD way, btw ;-)
ReplyDelete"it seemed like I was going be the last to know about it."
ReplyDeleteJust curious, shouldn't that be "going *to* be"?
Up until that last line this was really quite good!
ReplyDeleteI demand a refund. ;-)
Yes, "going to be" – coises! Fixed now.
ReplyDeleteWhen my RSS reader said "Trying to hard to be Raymond C...", I thought for a second you were parodying Raymond Chen, noted programming blogger. Apparently not.
ReplyDeletePre-emptive snarky comment: His notability is in question, even by himself.
That's great! I don't think I've ever seen someone question their own suitability for Wikipedia before. What a charmingly humble gent.
ReplyDeleteThe other possibility, of course, was that it could have been a parody of Raymond Carver. This might have been too close to the bone, however, as most short stories produced on creative writing courses read like unintentional parodies of Raymond Carver.
Guilty. So, so guilty.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI know it's been said before, but this was actually some damn good writing. A smidge over the top, sure, but I'd read a whole book o' your Chandler impersonations. Especially that first line -- lovely.
ReplyDeleteAlso, as per Chandler, "When in doubt, have a man come through a door with a gun in his hand."
ReplyDelete