HOMAGE WEEK #5: Try too hard to be J.R.R. Tolkien


Leotharg son of Peotharg, grandkin of Beotharg, whose horn had sounded over the fields of Giethen at the battle of Eyoiwylin Pass even as his people, descendants of Thargotharg the forgotten, sought shelter in the Great Forest of Than’Dythyll, sat down heavily.
‘Epyothnell of Yangdril,’ he said, ’protector of those who are lost and prophesied Lord of Balthangdrang’Grathril.’
‘Speak,’ replied Epyothnell of Yangdril, protector of those who are lost and prophesied Lord of Balthangdrang’Grathril.
‘My wounds are deep,’ said Leotharg son of Peotharg, nephew of Eotharg, second cousin of Uluklolotharg, ‘but I come before you to ask a boon.’
‘If it is in my power, it shall be made so,’ said Epyothnell of Yangdril of the bloodline of Esh, namer of the tree and maker of the book of chronicles. Leotharg bowed his head in supplication, as was the custom, and spoke.
‘I want to change my name,’ he said.

18 comments:

  1. Oh I really should not have worn my corset today.

    :-)

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  2. Awww... Tolkien's names were easier on the tongue than *that*. Well, for the most part :-) This sounds a lot like fantasy written *after* Tolkien.
    Great idea for a week-long topic! I've really enjoyed them.

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  3. That was awesome! :D
    Tolkien's name-dropping drove me crazy in The Silmarillion (btw, my elven name is Elebridith Adanthar ;p)...

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  4. For all that I love fantasy as a genre, I never could stand Tolkein's writing style.

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  5. I tried too hard once, when I was 15-ish. Not the name-dropping and elven speak, but the general flow and descriptions.

    Great homages, keep going :D

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  6. If you didn't invent at least 2 complete languages and 7 partial ones as you composed that post, I argue you are not trying hard enough. Foul Gorbthank that you are.

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  7. That's just it, isn't it though, MarT? Every fantasy book written in the last century was a riff on Tolkien, whether it wanted to be or not, the difference being that everyone else made up names and places (as Joel has done here) to create the illusion of having developed a whole world and history, whereas Tolkien actually did this.

    I'd say Joel's post is perfect and exemplifies 90% of books shelved under the fantasy label (probably 100%, I'm leaving an optimistic margin of error).

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  8. I happily found you through a follower blog. This is an amazing piece of parody. Almost makes me want to read Tolkien! Just kidding. I tried once years ago, but fantasy wasn't my main interest. I AM interested in following you and your links, though. I think they will be mind expanding. Thanks.

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  9. I love the last line: "‘I want to change my name,’ he said."

    Awesomesauce.

    CT, I don't agree with your definition of fantasy. Then again, I tend to read Young Adult fiction so maybe the rules are different in that situation. *shrug*

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  10. Hi all. Glad you enjoyed this. I am currently drawing an intricate map of Than'Dythyll and listing all three hundred possible conjugations of each of the seventeen million Elven verbs. The next post will be a full account of the genealogy of the bloodline of Esh.

    I kid. Normal service will be resumed on Monday.

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  11. Awesome! Last line is such a pay-off.

    I love Tolkien and you gotta give the man props for inventing languages (nobody can touch him when it comes to rich, realistic fantasy worlds that will hold up through time). However, I have to admit that whenever the descriptions of mountains and directions and genealogies came up, I kind of...skipped them. Maybe that means I don't really love him. Oh, God...

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  12. Heh, this is not so much Tolkien as E.R. Eddison. Tolkien had the sense to put most of this stuff in appendices.

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  13. I think I am in love. If you're not going to spend a lifetime studying linguistics and invent entire languages with a 100,000+ word vocabulary, stick to your native language. Please.

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  14. I did that for a while after spending 3 months solely reading LotR at age 12. It infected my brain. I love it, though.

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  15. But an intricate map of Than'Dythyll & a list of all possible conjugations of the Elven verbs {not to mention a full account of the genealogy of the bloodline of Esh} is just what the world has been crying out for! The world of academe will be the poorer for this loss. :¬(

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  16. Guys, stop being so hard on fantasy.
    Not that I care.

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