Make your characters incapable of learning anything


‘Zalbotron! So you’re the one who’s been sabotaging the oxygen systems? How could you!’ The robot shook its head with what seemed to Gretta like a look of remorse.
*I AM PROGRAMMED FOR EVIL* it said. *THE PROFESSOR SENT ME TO KILL YOU*
‘Oh Zalbotron,’ said Gretta, sadly. ‘And I thought we were friends.’
*I HAVE NO CONCEPT OF FRIENDSHIP* *I AM PROGRAMMED ONLY TO KILL* Gretta put a hand on the robot’s shoulder.
‘Don’t be so hard on yourself,’ she said. ‘I’ll be your friend.’ The robot whirred for a second.
*I WILL ATTEMPT TO KILL YOU*
‘Well, if we’re going to teach you about friendship, Zalbotron, the first lesson you need is that friendship is all about forgiveness.’ She smiled. ‘I forgive you, Zalbotron, and I’m sure you won’t try to kill me again.’
*I WILL*
‘Silly old Zalbotron!’ laughed Gretta. ‘You do say some funny things! Come on, let’s go and leave you unattended near the life support computer.’

9 comments:

  1. Yay!! Does this mean the return of Capt Dash Gallant?!?!?

    :-)

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  2. Zalbotron is up to his usual tricks

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  3. Gretta is one TSTL character, that's for sure! (Er, Too Stupid To Live, sorry about the jargon.)

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  4. Killing Greta isn't evil, it's an act of mercy. Go Zalbotron!

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  5. Related: characters who have only one approach to every problem

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  6. This made me laugh. Witty, full frontal critique. I proceeded to the previous posts. Still laughing.

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  7. As usual, the end is the comedic killing stroke! Once again, I find myself literally laughing out loud at the antics of your fictional fictional characters.

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  8. What is scary is that this plot device is still deemed acceptable for so much of contemporary television writing.

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  9. And movie writing. I can't enjoy a movie when every character is at this Gretta level of stupid. I wish we could get more script writers to read your blog and learn what not to do!

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