NON-CONTIGUOUS HOMAGE FORTNIGHT #6: Try too hard to be Charles Dickens

Rotund and generous by nature, Mr. Pimplepop was a gentleman often to be found distributing hand-crafted wooden toys to poor children. In fact, he was engaged in just such an activity upon the occasion of his first encounter with the infamous Lord Snittington-Sneer.

‘My goodness, my lad,’ burbled Mr. Pimplepop, ruffling the angelic blonde hair of a young naïf. ‘How in the heavens can you be expected to carry on your daily business without the benefit of a wooden locomotive to play with?’

‘I’m awful sorry, sir,’ replied the radiant stripling. ‘I ‘ad no idea such a thing was needed.’

‘Oh ho ho,’ rumbled Mr. Pimplepop with delight. ‘No idea, you say!’ Before the sentiment could be expanded upon, however, a dark shadow stole across the heart-warming tableau and the spindly figure of Lord Snittington-Sneer lurched into sight. His face was sour and miserly, while his heart was as shrivelled and empty as his bank account was immodestly full. He struck terror into the souls of all who encountered him and it was said that he thrived especially on the fear of the impressionable young. Also, he was probably Jewish.