Exclaim!


Each absorbed in their own silence, they gathered around the coffin! The pale grey light of morning slanted through the window and lay in a distorted square across the dark wooden surface!
‘So!’ said Peter! ‘I’m glad we could all make it!’
‘Of course!’ said Cassie, quietly! ‘You think I’d stay away?!’
For a moment, no one said anything! The air conditioner hummed quietly!! All eyes were on the coffin, long and dark in front of them! Peter seemed to be about to speak, but paused, then just shook his head! Michael took a step back!!
‘It’s time to go!’ he said!
One by one, they turned and walked slowly to the door, each pausing before they left to glance, one final time, at the last home their father would ever know! Peter was the last!! He looked back into the room and nodded once, curtly, before letting the door close behind him with a click!!!

12 comments:

  1. Nice. I know a guy who wrote non-fiction like this - business material, actually. Everything! That company! Did! Was exciting! Even when it was just announcing that they use standard UPS shipping!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ahhh! It's like reading Enid Blyton ...

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love exclamation marks!!!! They're grrrr-eat!!!
    :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. What's next? Query?

    And who doesn't love a building level of excitement?? Or inquisitiveness???

    ReplyDelete
  5. @MarcT - please, no... I have students that talk like that, as if everything they're saying is a question. It's very annoying.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Exclamation reminds me of my favourite stand up comedian:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtJozAbC5SY

    ReplyDelete
  7. I made a video about the exclamation mark ratio in novels! Check it out!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDjNyP-CTL0

    ReplyDelete
  8. There is a self-published novel titled Antigua: The Land of Fairies Wizards and Heroes which was actually written like this. Apparently, after being (rightly) criticized for it, the authors have since edited it to use somewhat more sensible punctuation; the Amazon preview of the current version has significantly fewer exclamations. I wish I'd saved screenshots of the original version now.

    ReplyDelete