Reinvent clichés

(With thanks to Felix Bloomfield)

‘At the conclusion of the day,’ I said, ‘you have to follow your cardiovascular muscle.’

‘It’s simple for you to declare that,’ she said. ‘I wish you could walk a kilometre in my footwear. Then the boot would be on the left foot if it started on the right or vice-versa.’

I smiled. ‘You’re as stubborn as the offspring of a horse and a donkey,’ I said. ‘Alright, have your way as the way we’re doing things.’ At this stage, I thought, it was best to just live and also let her live in her chosen manner. Arguing with her was tantamount to specifically requesting trouble and I didn’t have the digestive system necessary for it. After all, hell itself doesn’t have the same level of anger as a woman who’s been badly treated. Women, I thought to myself – can’t live with them, can’t contrive a situation where they aren’t a necessary part of your existence.