Woonerise spords

(With thanks to my father)

It was a stark and dormy night in the paravan cark. With a yuffled mawn, Bob sat on the edge of the bed and letched his stregs.
‘Roody blain,’ he muttered, listening to it ratter on the poof. He knew he would get woaking set, but he had to go – his bladder was bull to fursting and his temical choilet was broken. The tublic poilets were his only option. He took a breep death, dung open the swoor and rarted stunning. After just a stew feps, he was already boaked to the sone. Cidding round a skorner, he dopped stead. The bloor was docked by a truge huck. From the track of the buck, a parge lipe snaked into the bloilet tock, shurgling and guddering.
‘For sod’s gake,’ he shouted. ‘What are dou yoing at this nime of tight?’ A man in overalls lurned to took at him.
‘Porry, sal,’ he said. ‘Just lumping out the poos.’

20 comments:

  1. "Shurgling" and "lumping out the poos" will definitely have to go into my active vocabulary. They're just too damn pictorial not to!

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  2. haha not gonna lie, I kinda like this

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  3. Ah, I remember dormy nights. Oh, college days.

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  4. "letched his stregs" sounds risque. But "yuffled mawn" has a very nice ring to it.

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  5. !!!

    I've always spoved loonerizing -- in hy mouse it's something of a tramily fadition.

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  6. "Roody blain" has a Scottish sort of ring to it when I hear it in my head.

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  7. Why wo all that gay? Why not just talk to a wree, shake telter, and gree on the pound?

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  8. It's like meeting an old friend: 'lumping out the poos'. Thank you for the honour, but should you sedit your crourses?

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  9. "‘Roody blain,’ he muttered, listening to it ratter on the poof." -- Funniest sentence in the whole thing. I could see that as an actual statement.

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  10. tublic poilets ahahaha

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  11. Gosh, I do that a lot when speaking my own language sometimes. It became funny actually but it's kinda irritating when you wanna say The right thing and something else comes along.

    But reading This text I can only laugh at my own speech problems, lol

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  12. I can't read any of your entries with a straight face. This one definitely made me wake the neighbors.

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  13. Sounds like Finnegans Wake.

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  14. Actually, RISA is writing very well now...and with DASSAULT.
    She's signing her name to every confession she ever made.
    And BERRIRO is doing the same with HANSEN.
    So, all in all, everybody is learning the trick of the trade.
    TORONTO and HARPER are suddenly do the same!
    And so is RICK.
    DELL?
    They're quibbling with GE.
    Something about TORCHAZ.

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  15. It's all about FREAKSB MATT.
    You know that.
    So does YAN.
    So does NYE .

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  16. They say BOGEN is the den and so is DASSAULT.
    I thought DASSAULT was a nest with TURNER?
    SAPOP being POPERS?

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  17. I was all ready to comment that "shurgling" was my new favorite word - until I saw "lumping out the poos." I am going to find a way to use that now, somewhere, somehow.

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  18. I like "From the track of the buck," myself. Gives the impression that he decided to go hunting.

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