‘I’m afraid she’s dead,’ unveiled the doctor. A silence settled on the room as the family took this in.
‘You’re sure?’ proclaimed Lois, quietly. The doctor nodded.
‘I’m terribly sorry,’ he conversed. ‘It was a peaceful end.’
‘Did she...’ Lois vocalised. ‘Did she have any last words?’
‘Yes,’ nodded the doctor, nodding. ‘She epitaphed a few words before she left us. “Tell my children I love them,” she stated. Then she recapitulated “all of them,” and shortly after that, she went.’
‘I can’t believe it,’ philosophised Lois. ‘I can’t believe she’s gone.’
‘I’m so terribly sorry,’ the doctor gushed.
‘Can I ask a question?’ questioned Lois.
‘Of course,’ dialogued the doctor.
‘If we had brought her in sooner,’ she began, ‘is there anything we could have done,’ she continued, ‘to give her more time?’ she concluded, questioningly.
‘I... I’m afraid not,’ the doctor ejaculated.
I know I’ve covered this before, but the previous example wasn’t up to much, so here’s a new one.
ReplyDeletePerfect ending!
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorites is:
ReplyDelete"Shut up, he explained."
-- Ring Lardner, The Young Immigrants, 1920
One I'm hoping to use is "'Get the f*** down!"' he hinted."
ReplyDeleteVery well ... typed.
ReplyDeleteThe stroke of genius is "she went."
ReplyDeleteI always like a story with a happy ending.
ReplyDeleteI love this! There's not a lot more that can be said.
ReplyDeleteThis was great. I think I'd rather enjoy some more sequels.
ReplyDeleteI love this more than anything. I love it so much I may never say anything again.
ReplyDelete"Shit! What about the will?" the man in the corner expectorated.
ReplyDelete"Witty and informative," she drizzled
ReplyDelete"'yes', nodded the doctor, nodding." A bit redundant, no?
ReplyDeleteYou just made it doubly redundant by quoting it!
ReplyDeleteHave you seen the "Reasoning with Vampire" blog? Some of those are an exercise in banishing normal dialogue tags
ReplyDeleteI love Sherlock Holmes stories, but Conan Doyle did make poor old Dr Watson ejaculate all over the place. It makes for quite funny reading at times.
ReplyDeletegood and very funny
ReplyDeletepriceless ending
ReplyDelete‘Yes,’ nodded the doctor, nodding. ‘She epitaphed a few words before she left us. “Tell my children I love them,” she stated. Then she recapitulated “all of them,” and shortly after that, she went.’
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Perfect. I hate it when people use "nodded" or "smiled" as a synonym for "said."
Love this blog! Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI love how all the comments begin with ____ said…
ReplyDeleteCan't agree about use of "said". All the others you quote are full of attitude; "said" is invisible, modest, reassuring. The real alternative to "said" is a play script, where layout carries the meaning.
ReplyDelete'It's not fair!' stamped the child, stamping.
ReplyDeleteSorry but some of your alternatives sound sooo bad, like you have a thesaurus beside you and you're just sticking in an alternative. I really don't think you need to use 'said' or whatever all the time sometimes the conversation flows so much better without it.
ReplyDelete"Clearly, you're not fully committed to learning to write badly well," the commenter accused.
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