Helen reached out for the sandwich, every muscle in her arm tensing with the effort of it. Even now, committed as she was to the plan, she wasn’t sure she could do it. The distance from the sofa to the table might simply be too great. Even if she managed to stretch her already aching arm far enough to touch the sandwich, could she get it off the table and securely into her grip? It was too late to back down now.
She took a deep breath and lunged forward. For a moment, her hand grasped at empty air and she felt the vertiginous pull of the hard wooden floor a full foot, maybe two, below. Then, just as panic was beginning to set in, she felt the soft, crumby sensation of bread under her fingers. This was it! Now she just had to hang on long enough to get it to her waiting mouth and the cheesy, buttery, wholemeal taste of victory would be hers.
:-)
ReplyDeleteWill she, won't she?!?!
ReplyDeleteWait for it, wait for it -
YES, YES, YES!! She did it!
Phew.
:-)
That's not bad writing.
ReplyDeleteIt's brilliant.
I agree with Phil. I was dying to find out what happened next!
ReplyDeleteAlmost a cliff hanger...
ReplyDelete"...the cheesy, buttery, wholemeal taste of victory" - I might just have to steal that phrase for its awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteHungry now.
ReplyDeleteI second the comments above: this is actually not bad at all. I could see it in a story about someone with almost paralyzing anxiety. Reminds me a bit of Tibor Fischer's "Voyage To the End of the Room" :)
ReplyDeleteI see the point of how teasing the reader can backfire on you ... a reader is like a cat. If a cat doesn't get the cat toy on the string sooner rather than later, he'll stop playing the game.
ReplyDeleteBut, dadgummit, I'm hungry for a grilled cheese sandwich. Now that's good writing.
C-. Not suspenseful enough.
ReplyDeleteawesomeness
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly like me every time I have to make the stretch for a packet of biscuits just out of reach.
ReplyDeleteWould you by any chance be the same Joel Stickley who's on the bill for Latitude this year?
Yup – I'm compering the poetry tent again this year, for my sins. There's a lot of stage time to fill, so I might end up wheeling out some bits of this blog.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe I've ever been in the poetry tent (unless in desperate need of shelter when it rains), but might give it a shot this year, then!
ReplyDelete