Emphasise your hero’s good qualities


Once upon a time, there was a king who was just and wise and strong and handsome and clever and all the people in the kingdom loved him. However, he had never found a wife. All the women in the kingdom loved him, of course, but he was so devoted to ruling his kingdom well and enjoying all the wonderful food and wine his subjects produced – particularly the wine – that he had never found the time for marriage.
In order to make his kingdom the best it could be, he took a lot of money off his subjects in taxes, so it was important that he spent lots of money on wine so they would get some of those taxes back. He was a very thoughtful king. And in order to keep his kingdom safe, he executed a criminal every day and hung the body on the gate of his palace. Some days, the king’s guards had to work very hard to find someone who looked like a criminal!
One day, he was walking in the grounds of his palace when he saw a beautiful servant girl carrying two pails of milk to the kitchen. The king, being a romantic at heart, noticed that with her hands full, there was no way the servant girl could stop him touching her...

11 comments:

  1. I'm not the only one picturing Mel Brooks in History Of The World Part One when I read this, right?

    "It's good to be the king!"

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  2. Wow, that's exactly how I met my wife!

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  3. Ick, ick, ick, ick. That last bit runs the creep factor right off the scale, people like that really do think about themselves that way. Going to go dunk my head in bleach now.

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  4. The bit about his guards having trouble finding "someone who looked like a criminal" made me think of Arizona's new immigration law where police can ask anyone who *looks* like an illegal immigrant to show papers proving otherwise. So I was completely taken by surprise by the conclusion and thus laughed out loud.

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  5. Haha you're so busy telling us how good he is that it's almost easy to ignore the fact that he's a jerk!

    Good job.

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  6. hahahaaha I loved that ending xD Reminds me of this

    http://www.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Kris/inspace.png&imgrefurl=http://bonlebon.blogspot.com/2008_04_01_archive.html&usg=__FhGJ7MRHCGK1uP-dl1-NQ2Iluv8=&h=400&w=718&sz=57&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=r8lYu488pezcoM:&tbnh=122&tbnw=219&prev=/images%3Fq%3Din%2Bspace%2Bno%2Bone%2Bcan%2Bhear%2Byou%2Bsay%2Bno%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DX%26biw%3D1259%26bih%3D627%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=78&ei=LEKnTIvIN4GKlwel3aHPDA&oei=LEKnTIvIN4GKlwel3aHPDA&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=15&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:0&tx=70&ty=37

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  7. This is a story you should finish. One paragraph has me hooked on this fantastic hero.

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  8. I just read an old history book about medieval Europe which was disturbingly like this. A few paragraphs about how a particular king was wise and just and good, then several pages about how he (and his armies) invaded other lands and brutally killed the inhabitants. All for the good of his people of course. I like it better as fiction. :-/

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  9. This... this sort of accidentally summarized Twilight.

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  10. Well shit, that took a turn for the depressing and creepy.

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  11. "He who wins writes the history book."

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