Increase the body count


The policeman says “so where is your papers then?” And I say “hang on officer. I will get them”. But I don’t get them, instead I get a knife from the kitchen and I come back to the front door and I kill him, then I think maybe I will be in trouble, so I go to my friend Ian’s house and I say “hey Ian can you help me escape from the police because I killed a policeman”. . .
Ian looks at me and says “I don’t know man that sounds pretty bad, let me think” but I do not let him think because I kill him. Then when his wife comes home and screams and is not cool with all of it I also kill her. Anyway the police send more policemen and they have stun guns and stuff but its ok because I kill them too, I get arrested and go to court so I kill the judge and then what I do, is I drive off in a stretch Hummer, with a rocket launcher on the roof and I’m all like “Yeeeeaaaahhh!” and when ever people mess with me and stuff I kill them with the rocket launcher especially Mr Cheebing who is my teacher for double science and I’m like “no way!” and he is dead by a rocket.

16 comments:

  1. "Double science"? What's that?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Every action has two equal and opposite reactions. E=2MC². Light can behave as both two waves and two particles. Double science is pretty amazing.

    Either that, or it’s two science lessons back-to-back.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "And he is dead by a rocket."

    Priceless.

    ReplyDelete
  4. this is kind of like Raoul Moats letter to the police

    ReplyDelete
  5. You stole this from a teenager's notebook, right?

    Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon their heads....

    ReplyDelete
  6. Brilliant..this is what I aspire to...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Maybe an early draft of Boondock Saints, before they added all the swearing?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Alternate post title: "Put yourself on a government watch list"?

    ReplyDelete
  9. You know, I hate to say it, but that is a compelling voice. If only it had something compelling to say.

    ReplyDelete
  10. So when we're told to murder our darlings, it doesn't mean the characters?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Throw in a bunch of Huey Lewis references and you have "American Psycho."

    ReplyDelete
  12. It's funny to be an illiterate boob.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh jeeze, this had me rolling.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Double science, what does it mean!

    ReplyDelete
  15. It's starting to look like TRIPLE science!

    ReplyDelete
  16. you just plagiarized every twelve-year-old's next great novel.

    ReplyDelete