The policeman says “so where is your papers then?” And I say “hang on officer. I will get them”. But I don’t get them, instead I get a knife from the kitchen and I come back to the front door and I kill him, then I think maybe I will be in trouble, so I go to my friend Ian’s house and I say “hey Ian can you help me escape from the police because I killed a policeman”. . .
Ian looks at me and says “I don’t know man that sounds pretty bad, let me think” but I do not let him think because I kill him. Then when his wife comes home and screams and is not cool with all of it I also kill her. Anyway the police send more policemen and they have stun guns and stuff but its ok because I kill them too, I get arrested and go to court so I kill the judge and then what I do, is I drive off in a stretch Hummer, with a rocket launcher on the roof and I’m all like “Yeeeeaaaahhh!” and when ever people mess with me and stuff I kill them with the rocket launcher especially Mr Cheebing who is my teacher for double science and I’m like “no way!” and he is dead by a rocket.
"Double science"? What's that?
ReplyDeleteEvery action has two equal and opposite reactions. E=2MC². Light can behave as both two waves and two particles. Double science is pretty amazing.
ReplyDeleteEither that, or it’s two science lessons back-to-back.
"And he is dead by a rocket."
ReplyDeletePriceless.
this is kind of like Raoul Moats letter to the police
ReplyDeleteYou stole this from a teenager's notebook, right?
ReplyDeleteBang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon their heads....
Brilliant..this is what I aspire to...
ReplyDeleteMaybe an early draft of Boondock Saints, before they added all the swearing?
ReplyDeleteAlternate post title: "Put yourself on a government watch list"?
ReplyDeleteYou know, I hate to say it, but that is a compelling voice. If only it had something compelling to say.
ReplyDeleteSo when we're told to murder our darlings, it doesn't mean the characters?
ReplyDeleteThrow in a bunch of Huey Lewis references and you have "American Psycho."
ReplyDeleteIt's funny to be an illiterate boob.
ReplyDeleteOh jeeze, this had me rolling.
ReplyDeleteDouble science, what does it mean!
ReplyDeleteIt's starting to look like TRIPLE science!
ReplyDeleteyou just plagiarized every twelve-year-old's next great novel.
ReplyDeletePre-teens are afraid of paragraph breaks. FACT.
ReplyDelete