Increase the body count


The policeman says “so where is your papers then?” And I say “hang on officer. I will get them”. But I don’t get them, instead I get a knife from the kitchen and I come back to the front door and I kill him, then I think maybe I will be in trouble, so I go to my friend Ian’s house and I say “hey Ian can you help me escape from the police because I killed a policeman”. . .
Ian looks at me and says “I don’t know man that sounds pretty bad, let me think” but I do not let him think because I kill him. Then when his wife comes home and screams and is not cool with all of it I also kill her. Anyway the police send more policemen and they have stun guns and stuff but its ok because I kill them too, I get arrested and go to court so I kill the judge and then what I do, is I drive off in a stretch Hummer, with a rocket launcher on the roof and I’m all like “Yeeeeaaaahhh!” and when ever people mess with me and stuff I kill them with the rocket launcher especially Mr Cheebing who is my teacher for double science and I’m like “no way!” and he is dead by a rocket.

17 comments:

  1. "Double science"? What's that?

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  2. Every action has two equal and opposite reactions. E=2MC². Light can behave as both two waves and two particles. Double science is pretty amazing.

    Either that, or it’s two science lessons back-to-back.

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  3. "And he is dead by a rocket."

    Priceless.

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  4. this is kind of like Raoul Moats letter to the police

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  5. You stole this from a teenager's notebook, right?

    Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon their heads....

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  6. Brilliant..this is what I aspire to...

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  7. Maybe an early draft of Boondock Saints, before they added all the swearing?

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  8. Alternate post title: "Put yourself on a government watch list"?

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  9. You know, I hate to say it, but that is a compelling voice. If only it had something compelling to say.

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  10. So when we're told to murder our darlings, it doesn't mean the characters?

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  11. Throw in a bunch of Huey Lewis references and you have "American Psycho."

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  12. It's funny to be an illiterate boob.

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  13. Oh jeeze, this had me rolling.

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  14. Double science, what does it mean!

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  15. It's starting to look like TRIPLE science!

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  16. you just plagiarized every twelve-year-old's next great novel.

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  17. Pre-teens are afraid of paragraph breaks. FACT.

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